Urban Oracle

As I pull a temperance card this morning, the first feeling I have is one of foreboding.  Is this that fear of being given a ‘warning’ without loving guidance or participation?  My fear of being separate and not a part of it all?  Please no, I thought.  I continue looking at the image and it’s the waters I notice.  It is about balance.  That’s no surprise, I did take the time before the sun came up to ask for balance to be in my life today, to be restored.  I realized looking at the image the divine guidance I sought was one of connection and commitment…many call it ‘the personal’…meaning, it is personal specifically regarding my journey, my needs and my heart.  I took a few moments to seal in that clarity for myself, for what my needs are.

It was the water that I had to gaze at in the picture a little more…tears.  They were my tears.  I had been so overwhelmed lately, what with a professional project that was indeed also very personal, and juggling regular life questions such as would I loose my condo…driving in this town, healing sessions which held me at the highest accountability, feeling the separation from a group I had the highest hopes would become like a spiritual family for me and feeling the unanswered need for respect with a recent meeting about a project I really care about.  It was too much and I hadn’t surrendered to really feeling those feelings to let myself have that experience so I could be open to the next.

It’s the healthy grief of being human and of not knowing where love will come from next, the real kind that you can sink into and trust.  The card reminded me I felt somewhat forgotten in all of these rules and laws surrounding me, which, if mastered, supposedly lead to success and acceptance.  Deeper still was the promise of a King…which means I must face these feelings and be willing to see my ‘afraid’ parts, my ‘angry’ parts and not stop, but move through to the other side of the experience.  It was an invitation to look deeper into the Divine Masculine energy.  To stop means I identify with an incomplete journey…to go all the way through the challenges, the changes and the feelings means I gain a sweeter, deeper root to self as well as being able to give and receive from another person, a partner.

Though I am an advocate for love and connection for it’s incredible health benefits, it is the most difficult so far in my life…and perhaps, as I continue on my journey, the most rewarding.